Sunday, August 23, 2009
Could the NICU be good for your marriage???
As the days pass it is becoming harder and harder for me to walk out the door of that NICU without our little girl. In fact the past couple two days I have only been able to leave two of her 5 feedings NOT in tears. I recognize that I am exhausted and the going back and forth, caring for the other kids and the surgery recovery are really taking it out of me. But, there are some silver linings!!! Halle is doing great and her health/blood issues are gone. This is huge and not something I overlook...prayers of thankfulness! I feel overwhelmed by that blessing...especially when I look around that NICU everyday and see what people are dealing with....and what we have left to conquer....which is just feeding. The other silver lining is my time with my husband. Not exactly sure when over the last 10 yrs that we have had two hours three times a day to just be with each other.....really just be together and talk without distractions. Our visits with Halle has provided us with that time. Although we are both exhausted and at times we are nudging each other out of much needed sleep for that early feeding or dragging to that late afternoon feeding after a long day of popping back and forth to the hospital and taking care of the other kids. I have come to love our time to talk or just sit and stare together at our little 5th miracle.
Today Halle seemed very tired with me after just a short bottle feeding with much more of her bottle to go....I know the less she eats...the longer she stays in the NICU....Bo knowing how badly I want her to eat her botle reached over and took her and gently talked and rubbed her head....and was able to get her to drink all but 5ml of her 51ml bottle. I know he is my husband but, I think he is pretty amazing and clearly Halle has already figured it out too.
I am convinced more than ever.....there are blessings in all things...we just have to look for them.
Here are some pictures from our visit with Halle today!
Love to all,
J
Today Halle seemed very tired with me after just a short bottle feeding with much more of her bottle to go....I know the less she eats...the longer she stays in the NICU....Bo knowing how badly I want her to eat her botle reached over and took her and gently talked and rubbed her head....and was able to get her to drink all but 5ml of her 51ml bottle. I know he is my husband but, I think he is pretty amazing and clearly Halle has already figured it out too.
I am convinced more than ever.....there are blessings in all things...we just have to look for them.
Here are some pictures from our visit with Halle today!
Love to all,
J
Halle meets her extended family......
When the Dr.'s took off Halle's oxygen Thursday night Halle was able to meet her brother's and sister for the first time. Unfortunately, they could not touch or hold her but, I got to bring her up to the NICU Nurses desk and they could stand just on the other side. They were close enough to touch....just couldn't. They were so excited for this meeting and Halle was too....as she was wide awake...and she has rarely been wide awake for anything!!! The boys fell instantly in love with her and Faith as I watched Faith...sweet things were coming out of her mouth like..."she is so tiny, she is so sweet....but, her face showed that she was doing quite a bit of thinking on this deal. You could tell that she wondered why I was on the other side of this desk holding Halle while she was on the other side. The visit was short and the it sealed the deal...the kids officially wanted her home NOW!!! Even Faith.
Last night the kids got to have their second visit with Halle and wanted to share their visit with our next door neighbor's .....our extended family. Alicia and Scott's kids have been dying to see Halle and think of this experience as if it were their own. These eight kids feel as if they are siblings and spend more time together than most siblings do. For those of you that don't know the ages...Alica and Scott have a daughter, Reese who is Hunter's age and triplets...Ryan, Sutton and Landry that are 8 just like Chandler. It is amazing to see our children cherish their relationships with eachother as much as Alicia and I do ours. This second visit was unbelievable special for our kids and it touched my heart that they wanted to share it with them. I love that!
Here are some pictures from the visit that one of the NICU Nurses took for me. Each one of the expressions on these kids faces are priceless. Just so much love! It's awesome.
Love to All,
J
Last night the kids got to have their second visit with Halle and wanted to share their visit with our next door neighbor's .....our extended family. Alicia and Scott's kids have been dying to see Halle and think of this experience as if it were their own. These eight kids feel as if they are siblings and spend more time together than most siblings do. For those of you that don't know the ages...Alica and Scott have a daughter, Reese who is Hunter's age and triplets...Ryan, Sutton and Landry that are 8 just like Chandler. It is amazing to see our children cherish their relationships with eachother as much as Alicia and I do ours. This second visit was unbelievable special for our kids and it touched my heart that they wanted to share it with them. I love that!
Here are some pictures from the visit that one of the NICU Nurses took for me. Each one of the expressions on these kids faces are priceless. Just so much love! It's awesome.
Love to All,
J
Thursday, August 20, 2009
How do NICU Mom's do it?
Whew! What a day. My first day home and I am exhausted! Today absolutely wiped me out. I don't know how these Mom's who have babies in the NICU for weeks or even months do this and so many of them have other children and jobs. I cannot even imagine. Bo and I woke up at 7am got ready and headed over to the hospital for Halle's 8am feeding. My sweet neighbor Alicia snuck quietly in our house a little after 7 to sit while our other kids slept. Alicia and our friendship is another blessing that I am thankful for on a daily basis.
Bo and I arrived at the hospital to find our sweet girl sleeping in her isolate looking as peaceful as can be. We did our best to disrupt her to see if we could make her awake enough to bottle feed. Our attempts didn't work very well....it seems the girl can sleep through just about anything. So, we had some good snuggle time with her..Bo was off to work and I came home to start the day with the kids. My Mom arrived helped me get everyone showered and then I was off to the hospital for Halle's 11am feeding. The rest of the day was on and on like that as her feedings are 8am, 11am, 2pm and 5pm. As I went back and forth I wondered how these parents do it....I have only done it for one day and it left me totally drained.
Halle was doing very well today and I can hardly believe when I look at her that she is ours. It never stops amazing me what a miracle these little babies are....and I cannot believe we have 5.....
Halle was taken off her oxygen tube today which was great but, the greatest thing meant that the kids could see Halle at the Nurse's desk. We took the kids up for the 5pm feeding and I brought her up to the desk while Bo waited with the kids. Halle was wide awake and the kids could hardly believe how small and cute she is.....Faith announced in the car that she had heard us talking about that we thought Halle looked like Weston but, she really thought that she looked alot like her. How cute? They all agreed that they just couldn't wait for her to come home to hold her and love her. And I know they will!
Overall, this was a great day. It was nice to be home with my kids again and wonderful that they got to meet their sister. Halle is continuing to get good medical reports and seems to make a little more progress each day. She needs to conquer her feeding issues ...which I keep getting reminded will come in time and to have patience and faith. So, for now....we will wait.
Here are some photos from today.
Love to all,
J
Bo and I arrived at the hospital to find our sweet girl sleeping in her isolate looking as peaceful as can be. We did our best to disrupt her to see if we could make her awake enough to bottle feed. Our attempts didn't work very well....it seems the girl can sleep through just about anything. So, we had some good snuggle time with her..Bo was off to work and I came home to start the day with the kids. My Mom arrived helped me get everyone showered and then I was off to the hospital for Halle's 11am feeding. The rest of the day was on and on like that as her feedings are 8am, 11am, 2pm and 5pm. As I went back and forth I wondered how these parents do it....I have only done it for one day and it left me totally drained.
Halle was doing very well today and I can hardly believe when I look at her that she is ours. It never stops amazing me what a miracle these little babies are....and I cannot believe we have 5.....
Halle was taken off her oxygen tube today which was great but, the greatest thing meant that the kids could see Halle at the Nurse's desk. We took the kids up for the 5pm feeding and I brought her up to the desk while Bo waited with the kids. Halle was wide awake and the kids could hardly believe how small and cute she is.....Faith announced in the car that she had heard us talking about that we thought Halle looked like Weston but, she really thought that she looked alot like her. How cute? They all agreed that they just couldn't wait for her to come home to hold her and love her. And I know they will!
Overall, this was a great day. It was nice to be home with my kids again and wonderful that they got to meet their sister. Halle is continuing to get good medical reports and seems to make a little more progress each day. She needs to conquer her feeding issues ...which I keep getting reminded will come in time and to have patience and faith. So, for now....we will wait.
Here are some photos from today.
Love to all,
J
Wednesday, August 19, 2009
When HIS plan is not always "the plan"
I came home from the hospital tonight and was welcomed by the kids with so much love. I could almost see the relief on their faces to see that I was home. The relief that our family could be back together just the way they liked it.They were overjoyed to see Bo and I walk through the door together.
Sarah and James were here with the kids and Sarah's home cooked meal was just what I needed. Sarah read Faith a book and tucked her in and we just got the boys off to bed as well. I am settling back into my own bed and getting my poor swollen feet up for the night.
I have been thinking all day about when the time would come that I would have to leave the hospital and come home....come home without my little girl. Sitting here I have retraced my thoughts over the last few days and how I had planned for nothing that had happened to me and how nothing that I HAD planned came to pass......
Obviously, I have been planning the birth of the baby, but certainly not on August 15th........clearly not by C-section then labor ending in an emergency C-section. I had not planned to not see our baby for a whole day. I hadn't planned for her to be a preemie, anemic or left behind.It has all been emotional and a hassle... And yet, I am constantly presented with a blessing for every item that I had not planned. The first of which was getting the results of the amnio on Friday instead of the Monday or Tuesday like we had been told. We have been told even the few days could have left Halle affected by the anemia to a seriously dangerous level.
The next was my wonderful Doctor who showed me amazing patience and devotion allowing me to cancel my original C-section to attempt to labor on my own....and then his wisdom to call it quits when he did. I find the blessing in being knocked out and not being able to make it to see Halle until many hours later in that Bo had an unusual block of time to bond with out daughter that he normally would not have gotten. To witness his tenderness and paternal instinct with our sweet little girl...when I know he was worried for both of us.
My extended hospital stay has been a wonderful bonding time for Bo and the other kids and they have loved him taking off work and playing Mr. Mom.
I had an extra special blessing of being able to have a night with Hunter and Chandler as they each spent a night at the hospital being my "nurse". There are few things that could be better than being able to be snuggled up with each of them in my generous twin size hospital bed watching a movie. Individual time like that is hard to come by these days.
I have loved the quiet "holding time" that I have had with Halle all by myself within the quiet walls of the hospital.
I have cherished the time that I have been able to sit with my Mom either in silence or uninterrupted chit chat.....something else that is hard to come by with four kids.
And now that I am home....I can see the blessing in being able to devote some of my attention to our other kids who I have dearly missed and whom have missed me without the immediate focus on bringing home the new baby. I want them to know that I am still their same ole Mom. It was good to come home and have a night just like they are used to. I am sad our sweet baby isn't home with us tonight but, I know that she is getting stronger everyday....and it will not be long. I am so thankful for that....but, I would be remiss if I didn't acknowledge there were a whole lot of other things that I feel blessed and thankful for.
So, I suppose in the end....I have learned....or been shown....once again....that HIS plan may not look like my own plan.....and obviously turned out to bless me more.
Here is a picture of Halle from today! Hope all you Raiders like it! We took this especially for you Daddy!
Love to All,
J
Sarah and James were here with the kids and Sarah's home cooked meal was just what I needed. Sarah read Faith a book and tucked her in and we just got the boys off to bed as well. I am settling back into my own bed and getting my poor swollen feet up for the night.
I have been thinking all day about when the time would come that I would have to leave the hospital and come home....come home without my little girl. Sitting here I have retraced my thoughts over the last few days and how I had planned for nothing that had happened to me and how nothing that I HAD planned came to pass......
Obviously, I have been planning the birth of the baby, but certainly not on August 15th........clearly not by C-section then labor ending in an emergency C-section. I had not planned to not see our baby for a whole day. I hadn't planned for her to be a preemie, anemic or left behind.It has all been emotional and a hassle... And yet, I am constantly presented with a blessing for every item that I had not planned. The first of which was getting the results of the amnio on Friday instead of the Monday or Tuesday like we had been told. We have been told even the few days could have left Halle affected by the anemia to a seriously dangerous level.
The next was my wonderful Doctor who showed me amazing patience and devotion allowing me to cancel my original C-section to attempt to labor on my own....and then his wisdom to call it quits when he did. I find the blessing in being knocked out and not being able to make it to see Halle until many hours later in that Bo had an unusual block of time to bond with out daughter that he normally would not have gotten. To witness his tenderness and paternal instinct with our sweet little girl...when I know he was worried for both of us.
My extended hospital stay has been a wonderful bonding time for Bo and the other kids and they have loved him taking off work and playing Mr. Mom.
I had an extra special blessing of being able to have a night with Hunter and Chandler as they each spent a night at the hospital being my "nurse". There are few things that could be better than being able to be snuggled up with each of them in my generous twin size hospital bed watching a movie. Individual time like that is hard to come by these days.
I have loved the quiet "holding time" that I have had with Halle all by myself within the quiet walls of the hospital.
I have cherished the time that I have been able to sit with my Mom either in silence or uninterrupted chit chat.....something else that is hard to come by with four kids.
And now that I am home....I can see the blessing in being able to devote some of my attention to our other kids who I have dearly missed and whom have missed me without the immediate focus on bringing home the new baby. I want them to know that I am still their same ole Mom. It was good to come home and have a night just like they are used to. I am sad our sweet baby isn't home with us tonight but, I know that she is getting stronger everyday....and it will not be long. I am so thankful for that....but, I would be remiss if I didn't acknowledge there were a whole lot of other things that I feel blessed and thankful for.
So, I suppose in the end....I have learned....or been shown....once again....that HIS plan may not look like my own plan.....and obviously turned out to bless me more.
Here is a picture of Halle from today! Hope all you Raiders like it! We took this especially for you Daddy!
Love to All,
J
Tuesday, August 18, 2009
Pretty much the full scoop.........
I feel like we have had a pretty good communication circuit going on here and I know we have been trying to keep everyone update on any new info on our end. But, just in case someone hasn't gotten all the scoop.
I was admitted to the hospital Friday night with about two hours warning that we would be delivering our baby either that night or Saturday morning. Our Doctors had growing concern that the baby was developing Anemia inutero and needed to be removed from the environment. Shortly after arriving at the hospital we discovered the baby was breech and I would carry on with plans of a C-section....which I was NOT happy about at all. I was prepped and wheeled to down to the OR Saturday morning and after getting my epidural I became sick. After getting sick a couple times my Doctor realized that the baby had turned the correct direction, he broke my water and called off the C-section. I labored for 8 frustrating hours....most of which was spent fully dialated trying to figure out why the baby was still floating so high. In the final hour the baby's heartbeat had dropped a couple of times making my Dr. uncomfortable. I began the last phase, the baby's hearbeat dropped again....my Dr. ripped his gloves off and ordered me to OR #1. So off we went.......when we arrived the baby was hooked up to the monitor again and what was an ordinary C-section turned into mass chaos and a sudden emergency. I was knocked out completely which when I heard the order to put me to sleep meant I would not get to see our baby at all. And that's what happened.
Bo was able to see "her" after delivered and he held her for about two minutes and hen she was whisked away to the NICU. We did find out that she was in distress and not coming out properly because she was bound by both hands and feet with her umbilical cord. There was no way she was coming out.
Halle has been in the NICU since birth, we got to hold her yesterday for the first time. I did't even get to see her until Sunday morning. It was heartbreaking for me but, it didn't take me long to figure out that her Dad had stepped in 100% in my absence. He had been going to all the touch times without me, feeding, changing and caring for her while I was either drugged or sick. My first trip down to the NICU and Bo knew all the nurses and all the ropes. He jumped right in and showed me all the things they allowed to help with. I was sad, amazed and proud. Sad, because here I was her Mother and had not even laid eyes on her and had missed the first 12 hours of her life all together. Amazed and proud watching her Father heading in full throttle loving her, bonding with her and taking care of her. I have always loved that Bo loved our infant babies and I adored watching him nurture our tiny little girl. It proved that we could not reach a numerical limit to his desire to be involved and take care of these little ones.
He has not only taken care of Halle he has kept a watchful eye on me too. He was the one to talk me into getting up and mobile yesterday despite the horrid pain. He pulled me out of bed and by the afternoon had convinced me to attempt to walk from the elevator to my room. When I finished struggling through those 20 steps he felt I was doing well enough that I need to stroll on more to the ice machine. The pain was awful but, it sure made getting up later that day easier and it was the first hurtle to making me mobile...which I now am.
We feel so blessed to have our devoted families surrounding us and appreciate all they have done for us. They have all put their own schedules and duties on hold to take care of all our needs and those of our children. I am continuously amazed by their endless giving and providing for us. The kids are doing well and my sweet wonderful friend Alicia has taken our poor puppy again and is making sure she is well taken care of.
I want to make sure that everyone knows how grateful I am of your giving and the peace that I am receiving knowing that you all are taking care of our kids and our sweet puppy. It has made my recovery and time spent in the hospital so much less of a burden. I love you all dearly!
Oh, and one more thing....some BIG progress I had not mentioned yet.....Halle's NICU nurse Alice, who is amazing by the way....agreed that Halle needed to begin wearing a hairbow...so...I have included a picture! She looks every bit of the princess her sister does!!
Love to all,
J
I was admitted to the hospital Friday night with about two hours warning that we would be delivering our baby either that night or Saturday morning. Our Doctors had growing concern that the baby was developing Anemia inutero and needed to be removed from the environment. Shortly after arriving at the hospital we discovered the baby was breech and I would carry on with plans of a C-section....which I was NOT happy about at all. I was prepped and wheeled to down to the OR Saturday morning and after getting my epidural I became sick. After getting sick a couple times my Doctor realized that the baby had turned the correct direction, he broke my water and called off the C-section. I labored for 8 frustrating hours....most of which was spent fully dialated trying to figure out why the baby was still floating so high. In the final hour the baby's heartbeat had dropped a couple of times making my Dr. uncomfortable. I began the last phase, the baby's hearbeat dropped again....my Dr. ripped his gloves off and ordered me to OR #1. So off we went.......when we arrived the baby was hooked up to the monitor again and what was an ordinary C-section turned into mass chaos and a sudden emergency. I was knocked out completely which when I heard the order to put me to sleep meant I would not get to see our baby at all. And that's what happened.
Bo was able to see "her" after delivered and he held her for about two minutes and hen she was whisked away to the NICU. We did find out that she was in distress and not coming out properly because she was bound by both hands and feet with her umbilical cord. There was no way she was coming out.
Halle has been in the NICU since birth, we got to hold her yesterday for the first time. I did't even get to see her until Sunday morning. It was heartbreaking for me but, it didn't take me long to figure out that her Dad had stepped in 100% in my absence. He had been going to all the touch times without me, feeding, changing and caring for her while I was either drugged or sick. My first trip down to the NICU and Bo knew all the nurses and all the ropes. He jumped right in and showed me all the things they allowed to help with. I was sad, amazed and proud. Sad, because here I was her Mother and had not even laid eyes on her and had missed the first 12 hours of her life all together. Amazed and proud watching her Father heading in full throttle loving her, bonding with her and taking care of her. I have always loved that Bo loved our infant babies and I adored watching him nurture our tiny little girl. It proved that we could not reach a numerical limit to his desire to be involved and take care of these little ones.
He has not only taken care of Halle he has kept a watchful eye on me too. He was the one to talk me into getting up and mobile yesterday despite the horrid pain. He pulled me out of bed and by the afternoon had convinced me to attempt to walk from the elevator to my room. When I finished struggling through those 20 steps he felt I was doing well enough that I need to stroll on more to the ice machine. The pain was awful but, it sure made getting up later that day easier and it was the first hurtle to making me mobile...which I now am.
We feel so blessed to have our devoted families surrounding us and appreciate all they have done for us. They have all put their own schedules and duties on hold to take care of all our needs and those of our children. I am continuously amazed by their endless giving and providing for us. The kids are doing well and my sweet wonderful friend Alicia has taken our poor puppy again and is making sure she is well taken care of.
I want to make sure that everyone knows how grateful I am of your giving and the peace that I am receiving knowing that you all are taking care of our kids and our sweet puppy. It has made my recovery and time spent in the hospital so much less of a burden. I love you all dearly!
Oh, and one more thing....some BIG progress I had not mentioned yet.....Halle's NICU nurse Alice, who is amazing by the way....agreed that Halle needed to begin wearing a hairbow...so...I have included a picture! She looks every bit of the princess her sister does!!
Love to all,
J
Monday, August 17, 2009
Halle Irish Feagin
Hello,
Most of you know that our baby "GIRL" had to make an early entrance into the world. I will make a detailed post when I am not so tired and in so much pain. For now pictures have been requested by many so, I am posting a few to date. Halle is in the NICU and expected to be there for awhile. Here are some of her first photos.
Enjoy,
Love to all,
J
Meet Halle Irish Feagin
August 15, 2009 4:10pm.
5lbs. 14oz. 19 1/4 inches
Most of you know that our baby "GIRL" had to make an early entrance into the world. I will make a detailed post when I am not so tired and in so much pain. For now pictures have been requested by many so, I am posting a few to date. Halle is in the NICU and expected to be there for awhile. Here are some of her first photos.
Enjoy,
Love to all,
J
Meet Halle Irish Feagin
August 15, 2009 4:10pm.
5lbs. 14oz. 19 1/4 inches
Wednesday, August 5, 2009
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