Many of you know a dear friend of mine, who was also Hunter's first grade teacher, lost her 6 month old baby this summer to a rare heart condition. I have watched her fight her way through this journey all the while possessing the most grace I have ever seen. Many people ask me "how is Tracy doing" and my standard answer is that she is by far the healthiest grieving mother I have ever seen. She cries when she needs to, she asks for prayers when she needs them and petitions us to participate in grief counseling activities that aid in her healing.I cannot imagine her grief, fathom her heartache and all the while she inspires me. Inspires me to cherish everyday with our children and inspires me by her strength as a woman, wife and a Mother. A month ago she asked us to do a Nation wide candle lighting service with our children to honor all the children that have died. I tearfully read her email to our children asking to be a part of the "perpetual candle lighting" that was going around the nation....and we were doing it to honor and remember her little Nash. All six of us lit a candle, Hunter wanted the whole family, Chandler suggested that we do it in our "beautiful room" (formal living room) because it is a special place and Weston wanted to form our six candles in the shape of an "N" ....for Nash. It amazed me the thoughts that came from these children who no doubt love "Ms. Sievers, Mr Brad and little Tate" but, never even got to meet Nash. And so we silently sat around the table each lighting our own candle ..so sad for all different reasons. As parents, Bo and I cringe at the unimaginable heartache of losing a child, and for my boys...they have mentioned how sad they are for Tracy's other son Tate (3) because he lost his little brother. I knew they already did but, I was amazed at how much they seemed to cherish their siblings on their own level. It was so wonderful and heartbreaking at the same time to see Hunter(10) hug each one of our kids with such urgency. I just knew he was thinking how much they meant to him and how our life would be changed by their absence. And little Faith, well nothing too profound....she just thought the candles were beautiful.
Tomorrow would have been Nash's 1st birthday. Tracy asked me earlier in the month to help her put together a slide show of Nash's life. I finished it with her earlier this evening and as I sat and watched it......I cried and wanted to hug my children and kiss them while they slept. It also brought me back to what I already knew....and that is I am amazed by my friend, amazed that she still stands, amazed that she cares enough to ask me how "I" am doing, amazed that she can sit with me sorting through the only 122 photos of her child's life with such grace and comment how she is worried that I am stressed by the task of completing this slide show.
If you ever doubted that God's grace was indeed sufficient.......you should meet my friend.
I know this road is the most difficult one that she will ever walk, I know she thinks it is so unfair...and I would agree....I know that everyday is difficult and there is not EVER a day that she is complete without her child. What I also know is that she is so reliant on her faith that she is able to look beyond her pain to still keep her focus on being the best Mom she can to her other boy who IS here, and her focus to accept everyday's challenges and heartbreak over Nash's absence so that she can heal and be the best Mom to her future children. Somehow in the middle of this she takes time to "getaway" because she wants to pay special attention to her marriage too. I know that she draws strentgh and comfort that God has made a place for Nash with Him, not with her and her husband and her other son......because it is warm, beautiful, and full of joy, comfort and peace. I know that NO ONE who is walking along side of her while she endures this tragedy could not have become closer to God, seen his grace and glory in her face and in her walk. Witnessing HIS hand on her during this has been amazing to me....and to others.
I have included the slide show on my blog.......please watch it........and think of her little Nash today, as he would have been 1 yrs old. Think of Tracy, Brad and big brother Tate and pray for their peace and comfort to get them through this difficult day and the days ahead.
All Tracy ever asks is for Nash to be remembered.
Help me honor her request.
My love to all.........
J
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